Death and Birthdays

I have a lot to say I guess but I am sort of numb right now. It seems that my wife's grandmother is in the hospital and not doing well. They took her off the machine that is supposed to keep her breathing today and there's nothing they can do for her. I am sitting here nervously awaiting the phone call we are sure to get that tells us she has passed away knowing how hard it was the last time we got that call when her mother died. That night is extremely clear in my head and whenever I think about it it makes me teary-eyed. Nothing is sadder to me than hearing and seeing my wife cry and knowing that all I can do to make her feel any better at all is to hold her. It seems unfair that she should have to lose 2 people so close to her in such a short span of time when I haven't lost anyone close to me since my grandmother died in 1983. Laura's family put on quite the brave faces so they could help to celebrate my 30th birthday (which was Tuesday). The Friday dinner was planned before all of this but even though I appreciated all the food and gifts it didn't seem right to really celebrate anything. My birthday seemed really strectched out this year since I was able to celebrate in Florida last week before my actual birthday and then again last night. It made me think about all the shit going on with my blog here. I know that some of you reading it hate my guts right now for some of the things I said which is fine. I wasn't trying to please everyone. I am also not trying to be mean for mean's sake. But it is sad and frustrating that after all this time we can't all get along for Laura's sake. She doesn't have to deal with any of that shit right now. I received an e-mail from one of you which I appreciated because it got things in the open between us. I am an easy person to talk to one-on-one and perhaps if you decide you don't want to feud for Laura's sake nothing could make me happier. If you want to ignore the whole thing, then what has changed? One of my biggest pet peeves is when people are nice to your face but then talk shit about you behind your back. This bothers me to end. If you have a problem with me, let me know. We're adults for chrissake not teenagers. I am too old to feel the need to deal with any of you on a superficial level. I would love to be able to get along with each and every one of you if you would let me. If that's not possible then please try and avoid me altogether because I would rather just not talk to you than for you to feign pleasantries with me. Now, I am not sure what the problem is between all of us. I wish I did. If I did something to offend you, just say so. I would gladly apologize so we could get past the animosity. I don't need the aggravation anymore. I am truly happy with my family. I love Laura with everything I have. We share the most wonderful son a man could hope for. I feel blessed with what I have. (Except for my jobs but that's another story.) I really want to bury the hatchet and hope that this is enough to make you (you know who you are) want to extend the hand of friendship to communicate like mature adults. What's it gonna be?